Do you like money? Do you like saving money? Do you like unparalleled joy? Do you read books in or around the future?

If you answered “Yes” to one or more of the above questions, you need to buy Reinventing Alvin for your e-reader at the new low price of $2.99.

Click here for Kindle!

Or here for other e-readers, courtesy of Smashwords.

Last week I visited the Largo at the Coronet theater in West Hollywood for a Fiona Apple and Friends concert, benefitting the Littlest Tumor Foundation. I can’t articulate how much I was looking forward to this, as Fiona Apple is one of my all-time favorite artists, and the Largo seems like the perfect venue for her style. In the end, my high expectations almost couldn’t help but lead to disappointment, when in the 90-plus-minute show she only performed three of her own songs: On the Bound, Extraordinary Machine, and Fast As You Can. The rest of the show was old-timey covers (e.g. The Object of my Affection), performances by other musicians, and Zach Galifinakis schtick.

The truth is they put on an amazing show, but it wasn’t the show I wanted. Zach Galifinakis is funny. Old-timey songs have a certain charm I guess. It didn’t help that the three Fiona Apple songs they actually did were incredible. Fiona Apple, Jon Brion, Chris Thile, and Sebastian Steinberg’s rendition of Extraordinary Machine is one of the most joy-inducing live performances I’ve ever seen, and a whole show at that level could have been the greatest concert I’d ever attended. But that’s not what they wanted to do, and I guess that’s… okay?

What is the responsibility of an artist to his/her fans? It was clear there were a lot of Fiona Apple diehards in the audience from the way they’d burst into applause after only three notes of her original songs each time one began (I need a few more notes than that before I can name that tune, and I’ve heard those songs a hundred times or more). Does it make a difference if it’s a charity concert and their time is volunteered? Do I have a responsibility to go in blank and accept whatever comes, or is it not even possible to drop $45 on a show for a beloved musician and have zero expectations? I almost think I would’ve enjoyed the show a lot more if I’d never even heard of Fiona Apple, and if I wasn’t constantly thinking “This is pretty good, but I hope she plays Not About Love soon.”

The worst Space Quest game to date? Perhaps! Check out my review of Space Quest 6: Roger Wilco in the Spinal Frontier at AdventureGamers.com.

Do you like to draw? Maybe just sketch or doodle? Check out my review of Crayon Physics Deluxe at AdventureGamers.com.

1.  Toy Story 3

The only movie in 2010 where I actually lived the old cliche: “I laughed, I cried.” Mortality is a hot-button issue with me personally, and Toy Story 3 really spoke to me on that level. Besides that, it’s just straight-up classy like a Pixar production always is. Not every Pixar movie has been mind-blowing, even Pixar isn’t perfect, but none of their releases have been bad either, and this is their fourth movie in a row to all-the-way kill it.

2.  The Social Network

Movies that make you go “Hmm.” This movie really worked for me because I’m interested in the questions it asks. What matters more, having an idea or developing and executing the idea? “If you had invented Facebook, then you would have invented Facebook” is a great argument, and it’s hard to really disagree with it. Are online social networks improving genuine human connections or distracting from them? I know that Facebook and the real-life Mark Zuckerberg say the former, but the Social Network says the latter, and, again, presents such a compelling case that it’s hard to say otherwise. A very smart movie, that manages to also entertain and engage, which is incredibly difficult to do.

3.  Black Swan

After seeing Black Swan, I left the movie theater shook. I mean, I was really just… shook. I imagined a camera following me close from behind as it does so often to Natalie Portman in this film, and the effect made even the familiar garage under my condo seem unusually ominous. A startlingly intimate movie about the pains of seeking perfection.

4.  Exit Through the Gift Shop

I’m partial to this movie because I love a lot of the street art presented in it. I remember growing up in L.A., seeing Shepard Fairey’s OBEY stickers everywhere, having no idea what they were or why they existed, but just enjoying them for their own sake. I’ve also been a big fan of Banksy’s stuff since I first heard of him five or so years ago. Strangely, art in general (at least the type that gets put in museums) has never held much appeal for me. Exit Through the Gift Shop is a fascinating documentary of street art, and the art world in general, and really it doesn’t matter if it’s “real” or not, because the art is still real, as are those who spend thousands of dollars to own it.

5.  Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

This movie was almost perfectly done, with a few issues I wish would have been corrected. I’m not a Michael Cera hater, but I think Scott Pilgrim needed an actor more dynamic and easier to believe as a womanizer who is often forgiven despite his jerky behavior. I can’t see Cera bedding all those girls, nor being given a free pass by his friends. Also, the vegan stuff was a little too bizarre. Other than that, it’s an incredible film. There is no movie that looks like this: a live-action cartoon. Fun fact: every single camera perspective in Scott Pilgrim was different from every other perspective.

6.  Inception

I look at Inception as being basically a super-fun, super-slick heist movie. I know it’s perhaps a metaphor for film making, but I don’t care. I also don’t really think the dream-within-dream stuff was so complicated as to be either fascinating or a major turn-off. It’s just a great heist movie, with some fun action scenes and special effects. That’s enough for me. It’s incredible that Christopher Nolan’s fifth best career film is still this great.

7.  How to Train Your Dragon

We’re not in “Watch your back, Pixar!” mode just yet, as a few enthusiastic critics have said, but I’m thrilled to see that some folks besides Pixar have figured out how to make a quality animated movie that can appeal to kids and adults alike, and they did it without shoehorned pop culture references, bland cynicism, or excessive farting (I guess I’m just talking about Shrek at this point). Not just a beautiful movie to look at, but a great story with likable characters.

8.  Shutter Island

I wonder if my friend and I were the only ones who kept saying “It’s as if [insert object here] evaporated. Straight through the walls.” for days after seeing this? A really cool looking movie, with wonderful acting, that maybe fell a little in my esteem for having such a “What a tweest!” plot. I’m not saying I don’t like surprises, or mind-bending plots, but having a whole storyline that’s basically a lock waiting for a key can diminish the potential emotional impact, in my opinion.

9.  The Other Guys

Stands up with Anchorman and Step-Brothers as one of the good Will Ferrell movies. Many joyfully absurd moments, with some that leap to mind being tuna vs. lion, the TLC-loving Captain, and waking up on a train without shoes. Overall the most laugh-out-loud moments of any movie I saw in 2010.

10. Iron Man 2

A cluttered and somewhat poorly plotted movie that was still an incredible amount of fun to watch. Robert Downey Jr. is charismatic enough to make almost any movie enjoyable, and great action scenes like Whiplash confronting Tony Stark on the race track will likely stand the test of time.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Greenberg, Tangled, True Grit

IMPORTANT MOVIES I DIDN’T GET AROUND TO SEEING IN 2010: 127 Hours, Another Year, Blue Valentine, The King’s Speech, Rabbit Hole, The Town, Winter’s Bone

1.  Mass Effect 2

What can I say about the best game of the year, and one of the best games of all time? Well, it has probably the best cast of characters ever to appear in a video game, as well as one of the best stories. Besides the story itself, the actual writing is top-notch. Surprisingly, for such a deep game, with 40+ hours of play, it also looks fantastic. It still amazes me, playing through the expansion packs over the last week, that decisions I made in the first Mass Effect are continually being referenced by the characters. When Liara makes a snide remark about my girlfriend (or is she my friend-with-benefits?) Miranda, I know that remark occurred because I chose to romance Liara in the previous game (instead of another girl, or no one), and because I chose to romance Miranda in this game (as opposed to Jack, or Tali, or no one). And there are so many little moments like that. Plus, those deep, emotional loyalty missions. And the Illusive Man, the suavest villain in gaming. And my God, that final suicide mission, where literally any character could have died (so proud of myself that preparation along with careful consideration of my crew’s strengths got everyone out alive). Can you believe there’s another Mass Effect coming out before the end of the 2011?

2.  Dead Rising 2

I hated the original Dead Rising… until I fell in love with it. Dead Rising 2 is easier and more accessible in some ways, making it easier to appreciate, while still maintaining a high-stakes difficulty that brings an edge to many of the missions and encounters. I can’t think of any other game I’ve played recently where I’ve started up again from the beginning immediately after the credits rolled. After all, I still needed to build a few more of the combination weapons (motorized machine-gun wheelchair anybody? or do you prefer a dinner plate launcher that can kill dozens of zombies with each shot?), and save a few more survivors, and kill another couple psychos, and eat all of the food in the food court… Using your knowledge and acquired skills to try for that perfect run, Dead Rising 2 is like the video game equivalent of the movie Groundhog Day.

3.  Kirby’s Epic Yarn

Epic Yarn is like a warm blanket and a mug of hot cocoa. It evokes joy and contentment. Yes, it’s easy (unless you want to get all the furniture and all the medals), but that’s part of its charm. Easily the best-looking game of the year, with almost every level being an absolute pleasure to observe. Grabbing a button on the wall and pulling on it to compress the entire background like it was a curtain is one of the most wonderful things you can do in a video game.

4.  Picross 3D

I think I might have spent more hours on this game than any other game this year, and keep in mind I spent 40+ hours in Mass Effect 2. I completed every single puzzle in the game, and there are almost 400 puzzles. An amazing new take on the already amazing Picross, where instead of drawing pictures you chisel sculptures.

5.  Cave Story

Technically the WiiWare version of Cave Story is an update of an older PC release, but it was the first version I played, and so I’m counting it as a 2010 game. The best game the SNES never had, Cave Story is a run-and-gun with Metroid-style exploration and a bizarre cast of characters (like peaceful rabbit-people who become deadly monsters when exposed to a certain type of flower). I still need to find the time to replay it to get the “best” ending, but I’m afraid to tackle those punishing final bosses again.

6.  Lara Croft and the Guardian of Light

Now that Uncharted has taken what Tomb Raider does and improved upon it 1,000 fold, it’s wonderful to see Lara Croft taken in another, equally valid, direction: an isometric, puzzle-filled, dual-joystick shooter. I don’t know that Guardian of Light does anything revolutionary, but everything it does, it does well. Shooting monsters, rolling giant balls onto pressure pads, collecting relics, fighting a T-Rex… what more could a Tomb Raider fan ask for?

7.  Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood

Even though there are many incremental improvements in AC: Brotherhood when compared to AC2, and AC2 was much higher on my 2009 list, this game doesn’t quite hit it just because those improvements are so incremental. AC2 from AC1 was an amazing leap in quality, and this is just a tiny step. Maybe that would be OK if it had been longer than one year since AC2, but there just wasn’t much of a WOW factor present.

8.  Heavy Rain

Though Heavy Rain was incredibly flawed, even in fundamental ways like having a storyline that makes no sense upon reflection, it was so weird and compelling and original to play that I enjoyed the overall experience quite a bit. Managing to get a good ending, despite the very real possibility of permanent death or failure, was a very rewarding experience.

9.  Trainyard

The best iPhone game I’ve played to date, and one of the coolest pure puzzle games I’ve seen in a long time. I can’t believe how many hours of enjoyment I’ve gotten out of this 99-cent-game. It actually makes me feel like I’m getting smarter as I’m playing, as I go from “there is no way I could ever solve this” to “of course!” over just a few minutes. Also, I love the way the colors pop as the trains merge and split and travel all over the screen. Sooooooo pretty…

10. Snoopy Flying Ace

I am not a multiplayer gamer, especially online competitive multiplayer. So it means a lot to me to say that Snoopy Flying Ace is the best online multiplayer experience I’ve ever had. Maybe because this is also the first online multiplayer I’ve ever been good at? Regardless, it’s just a blast. There can be no better perk than unlocking the flying doghouse. It would be higher on the list if the single-player were also, y’know, any fun at all.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Bayonetta, Donkey Kong Country Returns, Enslaved: Odyssey to the West, God of War III, Limbo, Mirror’s Edge (iPhone), Pinball FX 2, Split/Second, Super Mario Galaxy 2, VVVVVV

IMPORTANT GAMES I DIDN’T GET AROUND TO PLAYING IN 2010: BioShock 2, Call of Duty: Black Ops, Civilization V, Fallout: New Vegas, Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit, Pac-Man Championship Edition DX, Rock Band 3, StarCraft II

1. Fringe

Season 2 of this show really kicked it up a notch towards the end, and Season 3 has been all killer, no filler so far. The conflict between the two universes, and the contrasts of the two Olivia’s, with isolated members of each side realizing that the other side is far from a purely evil enemy, has lead to some mind-blowingly great episodes. Also, can I just say how amazing “White Tulip” was? Or how great “Peter” was? Even the episode where Peter wanders off on his own and ends up investigating a murder in a small town was really neat, and I’d happily watch a spin-off of Peter as a nomadic fringe science investigator. Also, Eric the Midget’s head exploded. Let’s not forget that.

2. Community

The best sitcom casts feel like your friends, and Community has the best sitcom cast on the air right now. A group of mismatched characters who come together for a community college study group and end up becoming each other’s pseudo-family. The show gets a lot of attention for its pop culture parodies, and as fun as the action movies, zombie outbreaks, and stop-motion animated Christmas specials are, the best part of the show is its heart. These people really care about each other, as strange as it seems, and though sentimentality is often used as crutch on lesser shows, on Community the sentiment is always earned.

3. Terriers

Maybe they should have called it Scruffy Beach Detectives. Either way, the little show that couldn’t (get renewed) is going to be mentioned in “brilliant but canceled” conversations in the same breath as Freaks and Geeks for years to come. It was reminiscent of Veronica Mars, with its mix of clever banter and incredibly dark moments, which proved perhaps too dark for some viewers. Also: the theme music is wonderful. Also: Donal Logue is maybe the best TV private detective of all time.

4. Doctor Who

Before 2010, I’d never seen an episode of Doctor Who. I decided to watch the fifth season when Steven Moffat took over as showrunner, as I was interested to see how the creator of Coupling, one of my all-time favorites, would handle a science-fiction action show. Well, the science-fiction is sometimes silly, but the characters are so wonderful, and wonderfully acted, with great heart and humor, that it became my biggest surprise pleasure of the year. I would go back and watch the earlier seasons, but I can’t imagine Doctor Who without the hilarious Matt Smith and the beautiful Karen Gillan (and, okay, Arthur Darvill as Rory can be pretty good too).

5. Parks and Recreation

And the award for most improved show goes to Parks and Recreation! After a terrible (and blessedly short) first season, suddenly it became one of the best sitcoms on TV. What absolutely terrific characters! The charming and idealistic Leslie Knope, the ultimate midwest manly man Ron Effing Swanson, and my definite favorite TV romantic couple Andy and April. Andy may not be the shiniest shoe in the shoe shine stand (or something), but his positive attitude and relentless sincerity melted my heart even as did April’s, slowly poking holes in her ironic, sullen shell.

6. Lost

I think Lost actually did answer all of the important questions. To prove it, I present…

LOST EXPLAINED (IN A NUTSHELL): So there’s this Island where all of the “life energy” (or whatever you want to call it) of intelligent, sentient beings resides. People living on the Island are able to tap into this energy through sheer force of will, not unlike Green Lantern’s power ring, and make things happen that would otherwise be impossible. This is how things that one wouldn’t expect to find on the Island, from Locke’s dad to Kate’s horse, kept managing to appear there. They were willed into being. A long time ago, a crazy woman who lived on the Island killed a pregnant lady and took her children, and sadly taught them to be just as crazy as her. One of the kids, Jacob, threw his brother into the energy source, which gave said brother mastery of his very molecules. Still, Jacob’s will was stronger, and because both believed that he was in charge, and could prevent his brother from leaving, their belief made it so. Jacob’s paranoia, loneliness, and messiah complex caused him to ruin many innocent lives, drawing people to the Island and putting them through ultimately unnecessary tests. Some of the people who found the Island were scientists who conducted experiments there, and that’s basically all Dharma was about. In the end, when Hurley took control of the Island, it worked because he believed he was in control. He ran things “differently,” as, despite his time in a mental institution, he was nowhere near as nutso as Jacob was. Also, the sideways universe is the afterlife, and was totally irrelevant to the main story, except that without it, there would not have been a happy ending with all the characters, given most were dead, and that’s why the sideways universe was included.

7. Adventure Time

Adventure Time is almost incomprehensibly imaginative. Every childhood fantasy you ever wish you had exists in the Land of Ooo, where Jake the Dog and Finn the Human help the downtrodden from their giant, amazing treehouse. Whether they’re hiding from the knife rain, or following a frog carrying a crown to see if he puts it on, or hiring thawed-from-ice businessmen to do their adventuring for them, the fun will quite possibly never end. Adventure Time is one of the best kid-appropriate cartoon shows in years, maybe of all time, and with more jokes for adults than anything since Animaniacs.

8. Archer

Archer, on the other hand, is a cartoon that’s the exact opposite of kid-appropriate, and is barely adult-appropriate. It’s a workplace comedy where the workplace is the International Secret Intelligence Service, and the comedy is a mix of perverse sexuality and obscure pop culture references. This is a show where a mad scientist builds a robot named Fister Roboto, and where a woman is described as the Pele of anal. If you can handle it, it’s terrifyingly hilarious.

9. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Before 2010, I’d never seen an episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I’m glad I finally gave it a shot. There are so many crazy and unique moments from this year that stick out in my memory. Denim Chicken and Worm Hat. Nature is bulls–t, I’m done with this. It’s the implication. Lethal Weapon 5. Dee as an ostrich. I want french fries and a ginger ale. I’m having feelings again, like a 14-year-old. Do you remember feelings?

10. The IT Crowd

Though it only aired six episodes in 2010, and though the season was uneven to say the least, for delivering incredibly funny moments like Roy’s obsession with how his girlfriend’s parents could possibly manage to die in a fire at a Sea Parks, and Moss playing the dangerous “street” version of a quiz show, the IT Crowd manages to squeak its way onto this list.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: 30 Rock, Better Off Ted, Cougar Town, Dollhouse, The League, Louie, Men of a Certain Age, Modern Family, Rubicon, Sherlock, The Venture Brothers

IMPORTANT SHOWS I DIDN’T GET AROUND TO WATCHING IN 2010: Boardwalk Empire, Breaking Bad, Friday Night Lights, Justified, Mad Men, The Pacific, Treme

I don’t know how to describe music in a way that is useful for a reader, so I’m going to let my favorite albums of 2010 speak for themselves.

Be my one
My day in the sun
My little pop gun
The best thing I’ve done
Be my what
My open and shut
My everything but
My little hot slut
“Be My Thrill” from Be My Thrill by the Weepies

Fell asleep on your shoulder
When I woke up I was covered in questions
“Up in Flames” from A Coming of Age by Lucky Soul

I can’t sleep these days
And my blues, they won’t go away
So there are these little pills I’ve been taking
And my doctor, she says that they’re safe
But I’ve been sleepwalking down to the lake
And waking up in the water
“Big Wave” from I’m Having Fun Now by Jenny and Johnny

When we first met, they were playing that song
And then it stuck into my head
Stuck into my head
When we first kissed, you made it to my list
And then I couldn’t stop myself
Think of nothing else
“Heard It On the Radio” from Interpreting the Masters Vol. 1 by The Bird and the Bee

Yeah I’m sorry
I can’t afford a ferrari
But that don’t mean I can’t get you there
I guess he’s an Xbox
And I’m more an Atari
But the way you play your game ain’t fair
“F*** You” from The Lady Killer by Cee-Lo Green

These are the voices of progress
But I keep on falling behind
These are the voices that lead us
But I am deaf and I am blind
And I have a secret that I don’t think I’ll keep anymore
But you’re keeping all my confessions strictly under control
“Confessions” from The Law of Large Numbers by Emma Pollock

Split and go where?
Back to wearing knockoffs?
Knock it off
Neimans, shop it off
Let’s talk over mai tais
Waitress, top it off
“Runaway” from My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy by Kanye West

Pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don’t you hear sincerity
In my voice?
When I talk?
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I’m pissed
I’ll aim my fist
At the dry wall
Next time?
There won’t be no next time
“Love the Way You Lie” from Recovery by Eminem

I could be your state
And I could be your nation
It doesn’t get better than home, now does it?
“Home” from Volume Two by She & Him

Recently I watched Synecdoche, New York, a 2008 film from writer Charlie Kaufman, which also marked his feature directing debut. I’ve been an on-again (Being John Malkovich, Adaptation, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), off-again (Human Nature, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind) fan of Kaufman for over 10 years, and the only reason it took me this long to watch Synecdoche is because the poor to middling reviews made it seem like an incomprehensible and unenjoyable mess of a movie. In fairness, not all reviews have been poor, Roger Ebert called it the best movie of the 2000s, but one critical rave does not a critical darling make.

SPOILERS FOR SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK FOLLOW

Synecdoche, New York is ostensibly about a theater director named Caden Cotard who receives a genius grant after putting together a production of Death of a Salesman with actors in their early 20s. Around the same time, his wife uninvites him from a trip to Berlin for an art show (but takes their young daughter) and never returns, and he begins to develop a series of illnesses that come and go inexplicably. He uses the seemingly never-ending supply of genius grant money to rent out an impossibly large warehouse, which he fills with life-size reconstructions of New York and hundreds of actors who are given no lines, only characters and motivations. Through this absurd decades-long “play”, Cotard tries to shine a light on the “brutal” truth of existence.

Synecdoche (sin-eh-doe-kee) is a rhetorical term for when a part of something is used to indicate the whole or vice-versa. For example, if you call for “all hands on deck,” you really want “all people on deck,” and not just their hands. It also rhymes with Schenectady, which is the city in New York where the movie begins. The main synecdoche of the movie is the idea that a play about life can be used to represent all of life.

Is the movie incomprehensible? Sort of. The plot of the movie becomes difficult to follow for a few reasons. A series of smaller warehouses are built within the warehouse, and each one contains another model of New York with another set of actors. An actor plays Cotard, another actor plays the actor playing Cotard, etc. The first actor playing Cotard (Sammy) begins to woo Hazel, a woman Cotard had a minor romance with early in the movie that he failed to consummate and has placed on a pedestal ever since, while Cotard sleeps with the actress who plays Hazel.

But the real reason it’s so hard to follow is because it seems to take place in a dream or alternate reality, without any rules about what is actually possible. Cotard’s daughter’s diary continues to update with stories about her life in Berlin for years after she moves away and leaves it behind. Hazel moves into a home that is literally on fire, which remains on fire for decades. Some characters visibly age, some do not. Sammy stalks Cotard for what must be many years before auditioning to play him (before, even, Cotard received the genius grant). The passage of time is treated as almost unknowable, as sometimes even Cotard claims something happened “last week” while others assure him it’s been several years.

More things happen, all bizarre. Cotard’s daughter grows up, becomes a tattooed stripper back in New York, and then dies. Cotard’s estranged wife moves back to New York, and he somehow becomes a cleaning woman in her house (named Ellen), though they never see each other, and communicate solely through notes. Eventually Cotard casts a woman in his play (named Millicent) to act as Ellen the housekeeper, though after Sammy commits suicide Millicent puts on men’s clothes and is recast as Cotard, and he takes on the role of Ellen. Pretty soon the world ends, everyone dies but Cotard, and Cotard quietly rests his head on the shoulder of a woman who seems to be Ellen’s mother.

So. What was that all about?

Read more »

The best Space Quest game to date? Perhaps! Check out my review of Space Quest V: The Next Mutation at AdventureGamers.com.